This week I read an article about introverts, written by an introvert. (if you are friends with me on Facebook, you can find it on my page) It was extremely good for me to read. I’ve been trying to come to grips with my introvert nature since I was old enough to realize I’m not like some other people. The kind of people who have 100’s of friends and love to be a parties. The kind of people that look at me like I am nuts when I admit that I would rather be at home than at a social event or when sometimes I just don’t go to social events. I tried to change that about me for a long time. Tried to like being at social events and tried to be more of a social butterfly. Then I realized it wasn’t me at all. I was exhausted and frustrated and had no emotional energy for the people who mattered the most to me. So I went through a spell where I just didn’t do anything. Sort of became a recluse. That didn’t really fix it either. Cause. While I don’t like big social events very much and need a break after being with people a lot, I really do love people. I still need friends. To come to the place where I feel like I have no friends isn’t real fun either. See there’s kind of this idea that introverts don’t like people and can just live all alone. We can’t really. We still need people and we crave deep friendships.
But there is this problem. Social events are full of small talk, which is extremely ‘shallow’ for people like me. The weather gets old really fast. In fact it’s stale before we even start talking about it. And it feels really lame. I know, I know, I’m weird but still.
I crave the kind of friendships that feel like coming home. Where I can completely let go of all the ideals and just be me. I love knowing what makes you tick, and knowing that you know what makes me tick. I don’t really care about the weather unless it’s making you sad or very glad. I want to know you and I want you to know me.
So it seems like a conundrum of sorts.
The article I read this week gave me a new perspective. In order to find friends you have to go to social events. You have to put up with small talk sometimes to get to your end goal, those comfortable friendships that feel like coming home. It might seem very elementary but it was sort of like a light bulb moment for me. It gave me a different way of looking at social things. It doesn’t mean that I have to squelch my desires for deep friendship or my love for home and quiet time. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me. I can actually use those desires to motivate me at social events. Which is completely revolutionary to me, it makes me rather excited actually cause it feels like hope. I can be introverted me living in an extroverted environment, and still be a person of value. The frustration that comes from being in an environment of lots of noise, and not thriving on it, and feeling left out and like I just will never be friends with anyone cause I am not an extrovert. . . is a lie.
I CAN be introverted me and be worth something. I CAN have friends and be introverted. I CAN go to social events. I CAN stay home sometimes. It’s huge to me.
I am not totally sure this post is going to make sense to anyone else. It’s not particularly well written and rather jumbled. But to get my thoughts together sometimes I need to write a crummy post.
NOTE: If you’re an extrovert and you’re reading this. I’m sure you are now fully convinced on me being a freak. Just remember, I’m not anymore of a freak than you are. 😉 Also please don’t feel like you have to tiptoe and whisper around us introverts. We don’t want that either, in fact that’s the opposite of what we want. Just understand that we sometimes need to just be at home, and that it will be a lot more often than you do.