it’s ok

Sometimes it’s ok to not be ok.

Sometimes I need someone to tell me that. To look me in the eye and say,”Brittany, it’s ok to not be ok right now. You can grieve this. It’s ok to be sad about this because this is something that is very real to you right now. It’s not stupid.”

I get the idea that I am supposed to be ok with everything. That if I would just be mature I wouldn’t be bothered by this or that. So when I receive a comment that hurts. I experience something that makes me angry. I feel sorrow deep in my spirit. I try to brush it off. To say, ‘Oh Brittany, don’t be so childish. You really shouldn’t feel like this. It’s ridiculous and borderline stupid. Now stop feeling like this.’ It never works but that doesn’t keep me from trying one more time. I keep telling myself that day after day after day until finally I look at myself eye to eye in the mirror and see a darkness  that shouldn’t be there. About that time, I finally hear Someone whispering to me, ‘It’s ok to not be ok right now. Just let me hold you while you scream and cry.’

There are a lot of things that I am not ok with right now. I’ve needed to be reminded so many times in the last couple weeks- – -> That that’s ok. It’s ok to grieve. Life is going to be hard sometimes. Grief is necessary to healing. Brokenness is essential to knowing God.

and I thought maybe,

just maybe,

you needed to be reminded of that too.

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