Focus

This week has been incredibly hard. I spent over 24 hours in a state of sheer panic from which I didn’t think I could escape. I finally was released from that only to enter into a state of numbness and a sense of pulling deep inside myself. Now I keep having these, ‘eek’ moments where I have to make decisions and I’m tired and exhausted and so ready to be done with it all.

It happens so fast. You take your eyes off of Jesus for a minute and BLAM satan is all over your viewfinder. That little bit of eye movement from the King to the circumstances sets you back, back, back. To be honest I am not surprised that I was attacked. I know the victory of my last post was like kicking a hornets nest. I was expecting to be attacked. But that being said I was NOT expecting THIS kind of attack. The kind that totally wiped me out and left me gasping for air.

It happened so so fast. Looking back I know exactly when it happened. I know exactly where I was sitting. I made a choice in that instant. The choice I made was to believe that God was no longer enough. I could have mourned in that instant and still believed that God was enough. But I didn’t do that. I was sad at that instant and I chose to believe that God wasn’t big enough for this one. And there came the panic all up in my face. When I enter that state I rely heavily on my friends and support group. Because the panic is so real and so right there that I don’t even know how to begin getting out of it, I usually don’t even know how to pray, I just know that I desperately need God. People prayed for me. I was delivered from that all consuming fear. That was the beginning of this week. Here I am at the end of it still trying to recover and catch my breath. Things that a week ago I would have been ok with now have me ‘eek-ing’, where it’s frightening and I have to mentally choose which God I am going to serve. I get frustrated with myself because I have had to do this so many times surely by now I should know enough to not even go there. But lookie there, this ones’ got a hard head.

I am grateful that God hasn’t given up on this hardheaded girl. He continues to pursue me.  Somehow, someway He still LOVES me. Not the obligatory love that you tell your sibling after a fight. He REALLY REALLY loves me.

I am so grateful to those friends. The ones who go to war on my behalf, fighting for me when I can’t pick up my sword.

It is on shaky legs that I stand this weekend. But I’ve got something solid underneath me. Now if I can just stay focused on HIM.

I am the Lord your God, I go before you now
I stand beside you, I’m all around you
Though you feel I’m far away, I’m closer than your breath
I am with you, more than you know

I am the Lord your peace, no evil will conquer you
Steady now your heart and mind, come into My rest
Oh, let your faith arise, lift up your weary head
I am with you wherever you go

Come to Me, I’m all you need.
Come to Me, I’m everything
Come to Me, I’m all you need.
Come to Me, I’m your everything

I am your anchor, in the wind and the waves// I am your steadfast, so don’t be afraid// Though your heart and flesh may fail you,// I’m your faithful strength// I am with you wherever you go

Come to Me, I’m all you need.
Come to Me, I’m your everything
Come to Me, I’m all you need.
Come to Me, I’m your everything

Don’t look to the right or to the left but keep your eyes on Me
You will not be shaken, you will not be moved
I am the hand to hold, I am the truth, I am the way
Just come to Me, come to Me, cause I’m all that you need

-Come to Me, Bethel Music – Listen Here

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2 thoughts on “Focus

  1. Aw Brit..We do serve a great God..This week has been hard on me ..a rollercoaster of emotions and depression…I’m glad never gives up !!,

    Like

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