My husband and I were sitting on the couch sharing a cinnamon roll. I was eating around the outside of the cinnamon roll, watching with annoyance as he ate the center of the cinnamon roll, my favorite part. All of a sudden I noticed he was watching me a bit strangely as I ate the outside. I had an a-ha moment. So I asked him, “Do you like the outside of the cinnamon roll the best??” He said, “Yes.” I said, “Well I like the middle the best and I was saving it, dutifully eating the outside first. Getting annoyed that you were eating my favorite part while you were probably getting annoyed that I was eating your favorite part.” We gleefully switched and ate our favorite parts. I have been married to him for 3 years and I just now found out that we both like different parts of the cinnamon roll. I have ate cinnamon rolls with him before always ending a little peeved that he ate my favorite part and I ate most of outside (his favorite part). I am excited that we can move forward eating our favorite parts, the cinnamon roll will disappear, and we will both be happy.
I share that in order to bring you to this thought.
What areas of your relationships are being perceived incorrectly?
Your husband says something and you think he means ‘this’? You blow a gasket and chew him out good and proper. March away angry. Leaving him wondering what in the world he said?? I mean all he said was ‘that’.
What are you saying that is getting weird responses? Could it be that people are responding defensively to you because they think you’re saying something you’re not?
I don’t know how many times in the last 9 months I have been absolutely wrong in something one of my friends, or my husband said to me. When I finally went to them and asked them about it, I found out what I thought I heard them say was certainly not what they meant. (any odyssey lovers out there catch that?? if you aren’t an odyssey lover. . . so sorry. the life you lead must be dull indeed. Just teasing.)
I wonder how many arguments, how much anger, how much hurt we could avoid by simply asking the person we are talking to if they meant what they said the way I heard it. There is tons of research out there on this area of communication. I urge you to look into it. I think it’s something like 90% of our perception is wrong!?!?! That means we have a mere 10% chance of correctly translating what the other person is saying to us.
urge you, nope, actually I’m gonna dare you, to ask about the cinnamon roll in your next communication. Before you go assuming that he is eating your favorite part away from without a care in the world. ASK for some information. Receive some clarity. Your relationship will thank you. 😀