on mother’s day

[I know this is two weeks after mother’s day. I really DO have a calendar. Unfortunately, last week got away from me (due to a visit from my best friend-almost sister) and I wasn’t able to post on the Thursday after mothers day. so here we are two afters later.]

Mother’s Day this year was different. Mostly because I have a child.  Now that I have experienced 9 months of motherhood I have a much greater respect for the mothers around me. It’s no small thing. [But oh my goodness, it’s so much fun.] I have a feeling that each year my gratitude and respect for my mother and the mothers around me will just increase. I wish I would have spoiled my mom more on mothers day when I was a bit more able to. [living at home and when I was not yet a mother) But selfish little me thought only of, well, me.

The lady who taught me to clean, to walk, to talk, to come down steps without killing myself [interestingly enough, I fall up the steps just as much as I fall down them], the one who let me sleep next to her for so many years [I had my leg right up against her to make sure I KNEW if there was danger of her leaving], helped me learn how to sew,  she taught me to take my cares to Jesus [Casting all your cares upon Him for He careth for thee],  how to deal with depression, and somehow after all the time she invested into my life she let me get married and leave for my own home. I am so grateful for her. For all the time she invested into my life. I wouldn’t be who I am today without her.

I think of my grandma’s who spent time ‘building’ the people my parents became. I am grateful. I know I wouldn’t be who I am today if it wouldn’t have been for those sweet ladies.

I am realizing that being a mother isn’t something that I should take lightly. Honestly, motherhood didn’t seem like such a big deal to me until my tiny little Avi was placed in my arms. Suddenly, it’s a REALLY BIG DEAL. It’s the thing that has had me on my knees more than anything else in my life. This tiny little person. . . is my responsibility. God entrusted her into my care. I have been chosen to be her mother. It’s hard for me to wrap my mind around that. I hope I am never able to. I hope the bigness of my calling always makes me feel really small. Cause that’s right where I need to be- utterly dependent on God. I really have no idea how to be a mommy. But God knows exactly the mommy I am supposed to be. His guidance is imperative. I am grateful that no mommy is ever alone. That our great God is always there to help us. [not to mention those amazing men we get to be married to!!]

[after spending entirely too much time trying to get these pictures to look right in this layout and having them end up looking like I didn’t know what I was doing (mostly because I didn’t) . I gave up. If anyone has any wisdom on the whole photos and wordpress layout situation I would gladly sit under your tutelage.]